Quakeweek
May 14, 1997


Archives

id Renews Business Contract

NY's Dept. Of Transportation Eagerly Awaiting Quake Rally

Raven and Columbia Tristar Sponsor 'Serpent Rides'

Industrial Spy Pleads Guilty

International Red Cross to Begin Operations in Quake

Kasparov Demands Quess for Round 3

id Hires Garth Brooks for Quake 2 Soundtrack

Texas Separatist Holds Carmack Hostage

Jury: id not Responsible for Camper's Death

Marine Quake Scandal Erupts
Carmack's Ferrari Made 'Internet-Ready'


MPlayer LogoOnline gaming service MPlayer announced yesterday that it has retro-fitted a 28.8kbps wireless modem, TCP/IP protocols, and MPlayer software into Red Annihilation's grand prize, one of John Carmack's Ferraris.

"It seemed like the thing to do. With pagers, microwaves, coffee makers and whatnot being turned into net-savvy appliances, it didn't seem right to give away a flashy sports car without installing the proper tools to connect to the Internet," said Roger Myers, public relations officer for MPlayer. "Besides, if Quakeworld is any indication of the future, we're going to need to venture into another market in order to continue exploiting the public with costly and unnecessary technologies."

According to sources, the modifications made to the Ferrari have had strange effects on its performance. Apparently, the car only moves several seconds after flooring the accelerator, and doesn't slow down until some time after slamming on the brakes. In addition, the speedometer doesn't display the correct speed, the engine only works with certain brands of gasoline, and the car in general doesn't run very well on most types of roads (though it blazes down Microsoft Way in Redmond, WA).

"Sure, we turned an ass-kicking expression of pure fun and joy into a worthless, finicky, unusable pile of shit, but isn't that what we did to Quake?" asked Myers.

John Carmack was unavailable for comment.