Quakeweek
May 13, 1997


Archives

NY's Dept. Of Transportation Eagerly Awaiting Quake Rally

Raven and Columbia Tristar Sponsor 'Serpent Rides'

Industrial Spy Pleads Guilty

International Red Cross to Begin Operations in Quake

Kasparov Demands Quess for Round 3

id Hires Garth Brooks for Quake 2 Soundtrack

Texas Separatist Holds Carmack Hostage

Jury: id not Responsible for Camper's Death

Marine Quake Scandal Erupts

3D Realms Licenses Plot Engine From id
id Renews Business Contract


id LogoMESQUITE, TX - After over two weeks of negotiating, id Software has been granted a five-year extension on its deal with The Devil. Under the terms of the original contract signed in blood, id was guaranteed to rake in millions of dollars from its 3-D games in exchange for the souls of all of its current and former employees. Legal proceedings held between id and the Prince of Darkness have successfully pushed the contract's expiration date to October 31, 2002.

According to inside sources, The Devil was at first very reluctant to delay foreclosing on id's souls, due to the fact that the "boss" characters in its latest game, Quake, were fictional demon entities called "Cthon" and "Shub-Niggurath," not "Satan," "Beelzebub," or "Mephistopheles."

"I was infuriated by the whole thing," The Devil was quoted as saying. "It's bad enough that I lose perfectly good souls to aliens hiding behind the Hale-Bopp comet; id just HAD to add to the competition! Thankfully, the new terms should prevent any further complications."

To extend its lease on success, id agreed to feature only Biblical demons in all of its future games, as well as incorporating subliminal Satanic messages.

"We are very pleased with the results of the negotiations," said Barrett Alexander, 'biz guy' for id. "With the new arrangements, Satan gets to advertise more, and we get to keep our souls for a few more years before going to hell. Short of Daniel Webster's, you can't get a better deal than that."

As for being condemned to an eternity of pain and suffering, id remains worry-free:

"We don't really mind," said lead programmer John Carmack. "We're atheists."