Catholic Church Finds Quake 'Demonic,' Condemns id Software![]() ![]() "Red eyes have long been documented by the Church as being a sure sign of demonic possession," said the Pope. "This clearly indicates that the poor, innocent soldiers in DOOM and Quake are in need of the purifying blessing of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Yet id Software did not include this feature, choosing instead to damn their souls by murdering them. Though this was an acceptable form of purging in the Dark Ages, it most certainly is not today!" The Pope went on, saying "What is even more disturbing is the animated image of dark and ominous clouds in Quake. If you squint and tilt your head approximately 32.6 degrees to the left, you can make out a vague image of a demon's head. Demons to not live in the sky! The heavens belong to God alone!" ![]() "For their misconduct," concluded the Pope's statement, "I am forced to excommunicate the employees of id Software from the Catholic Church. While this punishment is normally reserved for heretics who challenge our institution, and many Bishops have opposed my ruling, I will not withdraw the order. After all, I am infallible." id Software replied to this by saying, "We've been excommunicated? Cool!" |
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